Knowing What To Say

Balancing relationships are hard. Relationships with your parents, siblings, friends, classmates, people at work, team members on a project etc etc.

Some of these relationships often intertwine and you don’t want to offend anyone. Bonds are strong, but sometimes, they break easy. Some relationships are more important to you than others.

Sometimes finding the right words is hard. Confrontation is easy to avoid, but sometimes, you just have to let the words out.

I think that we should say what we think immediately – not in the moment when we’re seething or emotions are running high – but when we’re much calmer. But not when too much time has passed. And not after another problem where all the anger and other emotions build up.

We should learn to say sorry. Apologise when you’re in the wrong.
Don’t feel guilty if you haven’t done any wrong.

In the end, relationships are not by force – maybe except with your parents and siblings – so leave and let live (this is not a mistake)

Do what makes you happy but doesn’t cause harm/hurt to other people

Funny Conversations

Hi guys
This is an actual conversation that I had yesterday and I’m not even joking.

In keke napep
Guy beside me: Can I ask you a question?
Me: uh. Okay.
After a few seconds
Gbm: I don’t like the way you are looking but I’ll ask you anyway (Pause) what is the value of your beauty
Me: (in my head: say what?) Heh?
Gbm: if you were to place an amount on your beauty, how much would it be?
Me: (in my head: nigga whaaaaaat?) I don’t know. Never thought about it.
Gbm: would you consider a deposit of an honest relationship?
Me: (NOOOOOOO!) -_- (do people use this line)
Pause
Gbm: I know this is an uncomfortable place so if you give me your number, I’ll call you
Me: *blank stare* pause no
Gbm: okay, give me your phone let me put my number.
Me: no thanks
Napep reaches my stop. Thank God.

I don’t even understand. Deposit????
Ugh. Nigerian guys have the worst lines ever.
I mean I’ve heard a lot but this. Is. Just. Deep.
It took all the self control I had to not burst into laughter.

I remember one time when I just opened my facebook account I got a message from a guy in India. The things he wrote. I’m like what? You’re the sugar in my tea etc etc.

That’s how on goodreads. Goodreads oh. I added someone as friend next thing. I want you to be my girlfriend. I’m like huh? I don’t know the nigger. He lives in the US and I live in Nigeria. I’m like are you high?

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm,
then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a
yoke of slavery.
– Galatians 5:1

A man’s gift maketh room for him, and bringeth him before great men.
Proverbs 18:16

Grace and Peace

To Propose or Not

I want to do something and I really need you guys to answer this poll because your comments will decide if I do it or not. Thank you very much 😀

 

Marriages

Today’s post is by @bule_jr who writes at http://bulejr.wordpress.com I like to think of him as a relationship expert

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What’s a marriage?

Yeah, I know it’s what we like to refer to as the union between a man and a woman (or whatever sex they are nowadays) in holy matrimony. This was/is supposed to be the ideal thing that God and the heavenly beings had planned when they formed this institution.

(Un)fortunately, this has been somewhat tainted over the generations such that it is now taken with such levity and disregard and not enough thought is put into it anymore. Pressure from family, friends as well as a social intimidation to be married at certain ages have also added to the intense need for people to tie the knot with more often than not, dire consequences.

I won’t go into whether or not marriage is a failed institution now or if our generation who I must admit have a somewhat subtle desire for better marriages and unions with domestic issues now getting more attention than in previous times. Admittedly the journey is a long one but a start is a start nonetheless.

Sadly there’ll always be exceptions to such movements as for some in our generation, marriage is the be-all & end-all for them and this makes them easy prey for the opposite sex.

It has been playing on my mind lately, is marriage a necessity. The Christian part of me lets me understand that if I am with a person, I have to get married to the person if I ever want to consummate the marriage, have kids & live happily ever after. The human part of me tells me that at times marriages complicate things and if I find someone I am happy with and we end up being together, DO WE REALLY NEED A CEREMONY TO SHOW OUR HAPPINESS?

The decision to get married should come naturally to both parties involved in the relationship and not simply because society/culture/tradition dictates that they should get married. Wishful thinking I know but at some point in time these rules are going to have to be done away with, I definitely don’t want my own kids growing up in such conditions because I know how much they irk me.

So, assuming marriage has taken place and man & wife exist, I would like to discuss two major issues that have come up recently when discussing with friends and of course social networks.

Joint-Bank Accounts

Ideal: I would say that is for both parties to have individual accounts and one account that they both put funds in to sort out things on the domestic front like tuition, feeding, clothing etc.

Reality: So many marriages now are just mirages and trust is at such an all-time low that way too much ‘serenre’ goes into this simple formula and that is even where it occurs at all. Most families just have the husband giving the wives money and expecting all that it is supposed to achieve to be delivered (even when it hasn’t been spelt out). The women also do their bit but most times the men don’t care and sadly the kids pick up these things and the cycle seems to go on & on.

n-Laws

Ideal: I have no research, but I am certain better unions and families are built where there is a healthy relationship with both sets in-laws. Coming from a background where my external families were always at war I saw it take a strain on my folks at times, they were able to pull through but how many didn’t? I was one of the lucky ones and have made up my mind that I must be ‘cool’ with my in-laws if I am to go into any union with any babe.

Reality: How a couple handle and treat their in-laws is often a fair reflection of how they treat themselves and their own families and honestly I don’t even know how to describe what’s going on with our own generation. Before most marriages, couples get along just fine with in-laws but as soon as they get married, this relationship starts to disintegrate slowly. I have noticed this way too many times and quite frankly cannot come up with an adequate reason as to why it happens, maybe you guys can? Or am I the only one noticing this? I hope not.

There are many more issues I would have loved to talk about like sex, intimacy, infidelity, friends etc. but these have been well spoken of lately and even I am tired of them so just these two should do.

The major thing that affects marriages nowadays has got to be communication. Hindered by differing cultures/backgrounds, the right way of going about it lies somewhere in our heads, it’s the relaying of that message to partners that the problem often occurs. Sort out communication and you have sorted out 75% of relationship/marital issues. …. “To truly know another, we must be willing to see the world through their eyes, not simply our own. If we listened as well as we spoke, really connecting would take care of itself . . .” …. That sums it up in a nutshell.

Marriage is a beautiful thing and I believe God had good intentions for it when he did establish it. I just think that before one decides to jump into it, one needs to have gone on a journey of self- discovery to fully understand themselves and what they are capable of and then knowing their weaknesses as well (it sounds so cliché, I know but trust me it’s worth it). This can & will help in guiding one to finding someone that will love you for who you are, compliment your faults and help you grow as a person. Make no mistake; it can be a great deal of hard work uncovering the hidden aspects of yourself which cause you to trip and fall. It is also worth every moment of the time and energy you put into it. Like anything else, you reap what you sow. Personal growth is no exception. Unfortunately, it seems to be the preference of many to take the easy route and simply blame others for their relationship woes. This, my friend, is a dead end street. Been there, done that, doesn’t fly. I encourage all of you who so deeply want that connected, loving and satisfying relationship, to invest yourself in what it takes to have it. You won’t regret it.

These for me are the basic steps that ‘Ideally’ lead to better relationships and hopefully subsequent marriages because the power to do that lies in your own hands. Easier said than done but that’s just me.

Somewhere up there, I hope I have made some sense and passed something across to you. I am open to hearing your views on the two issues discussed as well as anything else you want to share with us; just do so using the comment box. Thanks

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Thank you for reading

Relationships

This post is by the very funny and witty @Cumical.

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On Tablets Of Digital Stone:

Hello mortals.

This is my attempt at a serious post. We are gathered here today, dearly beloved, to talk about relationships and all that emotional gay stuff. So yeah, uhm… yeah. Uhm…

So when you’re in a relationship, you have to uhm…

*sigh*

You guys are all clowns. You gave the one guy that can’t take anything serious one of the most serious topics in this generation of youths and you expected him to make good of it?

I laugh…in…well, I just laugh.

Freaking jokers…

What do I know about relationships? I’ve had 17 failed ones so far, I’m worse than most of you combined. If you’ve failed WAEC 17 times, you don’t exactly qualify to lecture Post UME. Oh well, I still have to write something, so draw inspiration people, I will only be saying this once.

Well, writing….

I am immortal. But I will try to put myself in the shoes of some of you dispensables and write down some rules and regulations for you humans to follow.

You’re welcome. Mortals…

What Guys Want

See it’s really simple with me. Don’t change. That’s all I ask. If you’s a simple ho, don’t become complicated when you get in with me. If you’s complicated, don’t become a simple bitch. Aite?

Dassal…

What Girls Want

Don’t ever forget my birthday. Or our anniversary. Probably the worst thing you can ever do to this body is to forget when it was birthed. Nigga is you crazy!? No fellatio for you. Don’t try it.

Don’t ignore me when your folks around When your homeboys are in the vicinity and you act like I’m invisible, or I don’t matter, I will look among these homeboys you’re trying to impress, and do the same thing. Effectively. Don’t try it.

Mind explaining why you got up and left when you needed to answer that phone call? What you gotta say huh? (‘-‘ ) Huh? ( `-`) Don’t try it. Matter-of-fact, why do you have a lock on your phone? Don’t try me.

Never forget shit. Do you remember the colour of the nail polish on the third finger from the left on my right hand the day we ate dinner at the KFC branch in Surulere for the third time? No? You don’t remember ANYTHING ABOUT ME! You never pay attention! Pay attention! Don’t try me.

I am not your ex. She gave you anal, I’m a tight-ass. Don’t compare us okay? I’m not your sister either. Don’t try me.

Now now, look here nigga. I’m the only one allowed to nag. Please don’t be all up in my grill talmbout “Where you at? I called yo’ mamma, lil’ brother, sister, Jane, Susan and nobody knows where you are. You better get yo ass back home!” Don’t be a bitch. That’s my job!

Don’t ever EVER make fun of me. Ever.

January 1: 10 am “Baby, wanna come over get some o’ this D?”

January 2: 10:30 am “Yo shawty, wanna get some?”

January 3: 10 am “So I was thinking, it’s been almost 24 hours since I had some pussy”

Look yeah, I understand that your testosterone level would give 5 escaped convicts and a battalion of soldiers back from war a run for their money, but what the fuck? Show me some affection. But that can’t be your only hustle.

And just cos I’m real nice;

Homosexuals

Always ALWAYS drop the soap. You don’t have to pick it up, but you have to attempt to… ϑ

If my father asks, you’re my church counselor

The fact that we’re homosexual faggots doesn’t mean you have to spend 3 hours in the bathroom working on your eye liner. We’re men gaddemmit

Don’t use up all the lube. I need some o’ that good shit too

Even when you’re mad, don’t fucking bite!

You gotta say you love me. I got feelings too y’know. And don’t fuss when it’s your turn to be the big spoon.

Don’t show off too much when you’re at the gym. Don’t want the lady scum ogling my baby. Don’t want the faggots ogling you either, so cool it.

Again, the soap. Don’t forget it. Drop it like it’s hot.

If our pictures ever leak, I want the top bunk in our cell okay? Just putting it out there…

Yeah.

So… how will you repay me for the words of wisdom I have placed on digital stone?

Oh that’s easy. If this made you smile in the least, please drop a comment. Thanks.

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