Why We Need To Talk About Sexual Violence

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A woman’s value does not rest on the fact she means something to you.

When people start to talk about sexual violence, people start to hide. No one wants to talk about it. It makes them feel uncomfortable.

Not talking about rape and other forms of sexual violence encourages a culture of silence, stigmatisation and shaming that victims have to live with while the perps go on with their merry lives violating even more people.

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About Victim Blaming and Shaming

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It’s really upsetting… no, appalling, when a victim of rape, domestic abuse or whatever other form of sexual violence speaks out only to be met with doubting, blaming and shaming.

“Why did you go to his house?”

“Why did you drink?”

“Your jeans were too tight?”

“You should have worn a longer dress”

“You shouldn’t have smiled at him. You encouraged him”

“It wasn’t really rape. You didn’t struggle”

The most stupid of all…

“Guys can’t get raped. *followed by laughter*”

We’ve heard this bull so many times that even the victims start to believe it.

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How Do You Handle DNF?

Hello again guys and gals. Ladies and gentlemen. Boys and girls.

 

I am faced with a dilemma and I don’t know what to do. So I have come to you; my readers and fellow book bloggers for advice.

Up until Anna Karenina (I’m still on page 30 or so), there was no book I’d ever read that I didn’t finish. Once in a while, a book had come to try to change it but none succeeded. (Until Anna Karenina)

Most book bloggers have loads of books to review, and in limited time so they’d rather not finish a book than waste time on it.

There’s a book I’m currently reading that I am inclined to rate as DNF. It’s a book I got from the author for review.

I don’t know what to do. Is there an unwritten rule that I don’t know about? Must I finish the book because it’s an R2R? Can I write a review even though I didn’t finish it?

I’ve read a lot of terribly written books lately and I don’t think my heart can take one more terrible book.

The reason I always finished books is that I always want to know how books end. If I didn’t know, I won’t rest. The characters will haunt my dreams and I’ll see the book in everything.

So how do you deal with books you DNF? Especially when they’re gotten from authors.

The Project ‘O’: An Opinionated Piece

I saw this interesting “questionnaire” on A Opinionated Man’s site. It is called the “The Project O” and this is the template.
I shortened some of the questions so that the post won’t be too long.

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Name: Lade T
Blog: We Blog About Books
         Out Of My Head
Twitter: @deaduramilade

Question 1: Please provide a window into who you are, some background information in a not too overwhelming profile here

My name is Lade. I live in Lagos, Nigeria. I am still in my teens. I love to read and write. I like colours. I’m interested in photography and makeup and I hope to start university soon

Question 2: If you haven’t already done so please provide your country of origin, whether you are male or female, an age would be nice, and where you currently live if that differs from the country of origin. Also try to give us a brief view of your current neighborhood and what it is like in as specific terms as you like.Does sex also have something to do with this, as well as age?

I’m from Lagos, Nigeria; female, almost 17. I live in a quiet neighbourhood. I’ve lived in only two places (houses) and they are very different from each other. I live with my mum and 2 siblings. I’m from a Muslim family but I went to Christian schools and I’m a christian. I like to believe that I’m unbiased and impartial (most of the time).

Question 3: Recount the first time you remember having a differing opinion from someone significantly older than you. Do you remember what the topic was about? Did you voice your opinion or hold it to yourself?

Where I’m from, it’s mostly seen as disrespectful to voice disagreement with someone who is older.
The one time I remember was when I was in SS3 (final year of high school) a pastor came to school to talk to us. The topic was idol worship or something. He said something about meat that is cooked for Muslim holidays are sacrificed to idols and that if we eat the food, we are committing sin. I replied that what he said was wrong and then I walked out of the hall.

Question 4: What levels of respect were practiced around you when you were a child? Was there bowing involved, handshakes, “yes Sirs and yes Ma’ams,” or some other equivalent respectfulness in your culture’s tongue? Is an honorific given to someone older than you and do you often respect and practice that? How might the culture you were brought up in have affected the growth of your own opinions?

Respect is a very big part of our culture. There’s not much room for disagreement or questions. Most times, they are seen as disrespectful.
Greetings and salutations are important. Girls are supposed to kneel and boys are to prostrate in greeting. Older people (irrespective of their relationship to you) are referred to as Aunty “insert name” or Uncle “insert name”.
A lot of my aunts, uncles and older cousins tell their children to call me Aunty Lade (which I don’t like).

Question 5: How traveled are you and to what degree do you keep up with international news? You might also provide an educational background if you wish and if that education was gained from somewhere other than your current location. How available is the news and what goes on in the outside world to you in your country?

I have traveled out of Nigeria twice (school excursions to Republic of Benin and Togo by road). Although they were fun and exciting, they don’t count as travel experience because it was limiting. I didn’t see much of the culture and the people. I believe that I have time to go around the world.
It’s easy to know what’s going on around the world if you have/can afford access to CNN, Al Jazeera. BBC (and so on) and the internet.

Question 6: If you could share an opinion on a single international incident or topic that you either feel strongly about or that might not be known to the rest of the world what would it be? You have our attention.

Black this, black that. We limit our competition to ourselves. If White people have awards and events for themselves only, there would be a lot of noise made but when black people do it, it’s okay and it’s Black pride.
I think it allows for mediocrity.

Question 7: What does the right to an opinion mean to you? Is it essential to freedom to have this right? How far would you go to protect that ability? The world is on fire with people of passion, how passionate are you about things you value?

I believe that everyone has a right to his/her own opinion.
Opinions are formed from how we are brought up, the people we associate with, what we read, watch, listen to, see, our culture and life experiences and how we react to them.

Question 8: Is it ever right for you to be allowed an opinion while someone else is denied that same right on the same topic?

Yes and No.
No. Everyone has an opinion on almost everything and it’s discriminatory to not allow someone voice an opinion while disallowing someone else from voicing an opinion on the same topic.
Yes. Some people take things to an unnecessary extreme and cannot handle the freedom.

Question 9: The last question upon completing this template and hopefully contemplating the issue what does this project mean to you? How can Project O potentially enlighten or help the world?

I’m not sure.
I guess it might open mental borders. It has allowed me to focus my mind and thoughts and it can help people see others opinions and experiences more clearly, and possibly give a window into how different people think.

The LORD is my light and my salvation whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life of whom shall I be afraid?
– Psalm 27:1

I issue a decree that in every part of my kingdom people must fear and reverence the God of Daniel. “For he is the living God and he endures forever; his kingdom will not be destroyed, his dominion will never end. He rescues and he saves; He performs signs and wonders in the heavens and on the earth. He has rescued Daniel from the power of the lions.”
– Daniel 6:26-27

Grace and Peace