If I Could Write Poems

*insert apologies for not posting for about a year and insert excuses about school, work, life etc*

*also insert something about clearing cobwebs and sweeping the floor*

So a few days ago, I finally wrote something unrelated to work for the first time in about a year. Enjoy.

If I could write poems, I’d write of darkness
Warm, comfortable, soothing darkness
That hides the pain, tears and shame
Scary, frightful darkness
That drags you in and sinks your soul

If I could write poems, I’d write about boys
Boys I like, boys that like me
Boys I’ve loved and boys that have loved me
Boys I’ve hurt and boys that have hurt me
Boys, beautiful boys,
Beautiful boys that’ll hurt me

If I could write poems, I’d write about love
Fleeting love, unrequited love
Unconditional love, God’s love
Love so potent, so real, it feels warm like an embrace
Redeeming love; so freeing, so beautiful
Love that asks nothing of me
Love that’s patient, that is kind, that is forgiving

If I could write poems, I’d write about depression and pain
Suicidal thoughts, feelings of hopelessness
Pain from hurt, pain from hate
Pain from the cuts I carve on my skin
I’d write about the feel of my blood, warn against my skin
as it pours from cuts like bands against my wrist

If I could write poems, if write about me
My body. My beautiful, fat, dark body
I’d write about struggles with weight and appearance
Shame, disgust, the feeling of taking too much space
Wanting to hide myself – to swallow myself whole
Retreat into myself, disappear, take up less space in the world
Then love. Loving my beautiful body
Acceptance, confidence, understanding
Looking in the mirror and seeing perfection
No shame, no hate, just love for this beautiful work of art
Rejecting negative comments. Filtering the hate
Loving myself