Links I Love: Volume 1

Hi guys,
This is a looong overdue post. I want to start doing this thing where I post all the interesting, funny, thoughtful, profound (etc,) links I find around. This is the first one and it’s a bit long because this is like 2/3 weeks worth of posts. It was supposed to go up yesterday but I was very tired after my exam (they’re going great btw) and there’s no light and no petrol or diesel and everything is just a mess.

Anyways, this will come up every Friday. About 7 articles (could be less), but no more than 14 + one or two quotes from the article.

 I’ve seen a few positive reviews of the book from respectable outlets like Slate and The Atlantic, but to review such a pure document — something that, unlike a memoir, has very little artistic framing — feels impossible without either embracing or rejecting the Kim K Experience. Whether it’s good or bad is frankly irrelevant — one’s own opinion of Kardashian is the ultimate bias here, so the book is a mirror. But I will say this: to spend time with Selfish  is to encounter a woman who possesses zero embarrassment. If you’re the kind of person who personally relates to Sky Ferreira’s “Everything Is Embarrassing,” then Selfish may feel like a temporary respite from the exhausting act of giving a shit.
Against Chill

To the uninitiated, having Chill and being cool are synonyms. They describe a person with a laid-back attitude, an absence of neurosis, and reasonably interesting tastes and passions. But the person with Chill is crucially missing these last ingredients because they are too far removed from anything that looks like intensity to have passions. They have discernible tastes andbeliefs but they are unlikely to materialize as passionate. Passion is polarizing; being enthusiastic or worked up is downright obsessive. Excessive Chill is “You do you” taken to its most extreme conclusion, giving everyone’s opinions and interests equal value so long as they’re authentically ours.

Dear Everyone: Stop Asking Me Questions About My Post-College Plans
The rubbery substance sits in my mouth. “I’m a double major in politics and history,” I say apologetically. “I’m also minoring in English.” I’m sorry .
Why doesn’t anyone ever ask, “Hey, are you by any chance an asshole? Do you have psychotic tendencies? Any weird fetishes I should know about that may affect the workplace atmosphere?”
But no, I only receive the major question. Or worse: What are you going to do with your life?
When you graduate from college, people demand answers of absolutes, of periods and colons. I can only speak in relativity, in brackets, parentheses, ellipses.

How Companies Crush Women’s Ambitions

It found that women and men were equally ambitious when they had fewer than two years on the job. But those ambitions changed dramatically among mid-career employees. Women’s aspiration to make it to the C-suite dropped 60 percent. Their confidence in their ability to reach top management drops in half. And their ambition never recovers as they become senior leaders within their firms. Men, on the other hand, see a much smaller dip in their confidence, and none in their ambition.
The question is why, and the survey has some disquieting answers. Here is part of one woman’s response to the survey questions

The Dickonomics of Tinder

Conversations were governed by the same rules as matches. Lead with a pussy joke about my cat? Dick is abundant and low value. Choose a meeting place that doesn’t account for my commute there? Dick is abundant and low value. Ask for nudes too soon? Dick is abundant and low value. Cancel twice? Dick is abundant and low value. Send an unsolicited photo of your lower body in your laundry-day underwear with your hand suggestively but not sexily placed over your semi and not even bothering to crop out your poor cat? Dick is abundant and low value.

Today’s Bad Idea: ‘Frexting,’ The Sexts You Send Friends
Sexual identity and personal patterns of sexual arousal are related but they’re not the same so it’s doubtful that female frexters or frextees are seriously getting off on their frexting. But it’s undeniable that frexting exists on the blurry border between female homosociality and homoeroticism.
Believe it or not, it is possible for women to boost each other’s confidence without sending each other selfies in lingerie. We do it every time we say “Nice shoes” or “I love your dress” to a stranger in line at the grocery store

In Defense of North West
Nowhere in the conversation or in the past several years had I expressed a desire to lose weight. In fact, I was happier than I’d ever been with my body.
And then, a long silence. I quickly attempted to dissolve the sudden tension without trying to shame her for shaming me into feeling ashamed of a body I wasn’t ashamed of. The conversation ended on a high note, but after another off-handed remark a few months later, I brought it up.

Papas, please let your babies grow up to be princesses
The pink aisle is great, the Lego aisle is great. None of those things affect whether or not your daughter will grow up to be an engineer.

And while we’re at it, admit you played house once or twice and you liked it.

We all can use sometimes to embrace our inner girl. Because being a girl is okay. And being an Engineer is awesome. Being a girly engineer is great and awesome.

My Body Is Trying to Kill Me
No one told me it was possible that even if I did all these things right, if I did everything I was told, everything I was asked, if I was a model child, a model student, a model citizen — that something still prevent me from having that life.
No one ever told me what to do if everything I worked for was gone in an instant. When I was in the hospital, in the waiting rooms, in the car driving to other hospitals, other waiting rooms, when nurses fed me ice chips, changed my sterile dressings, told me I couldn’t go home until I could piss without a catheter — no one told me what to do then. No one said “this is your life now”—it was just a realization that came to me as the weeks, the months, the years went by and I never got better; just worse.

The surprising feminist roots of ‘The Bachelorette’ – No quotes, but also interesting

You Should Date An Illiterate Girl,” by Charles Warnke & “You Should Date A Girl Who Reads,” by Rosemarie Urquico
Date a girl who doesn’t read. Find her in the weary squalor of a Midwestern bar. Find her in the smoke, drunken sweat, and varicolored light of an upscale nightclub. Wherever you find her, find her smiling. Make sure that it lingers when the people that are talking to her look away. Engage her with unsentimental trivialities. Use pick-up lines and laugh inwardly. Take her outside when the night overstays its welcome. Ignore the palpable weight of fatigue. Kiss her in the rain under the weak glow of a streetlamp because you’ve seen it in film. Remark at its lack of significance. Take her to your apartment. Dispatch with making love. Fuck her.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas, for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry and in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

What I Learned About Leadership When I Interviewed The Biggest Drug Dealer In History
It’s almost a cliche, but Rick told how he went to Cincinnati. Stayed with a friend and told him to invite ten of his friends over.

Then when everyone was there he gave everyone a free supply and told them if they were interested to come back in a week and buy the next batch.
Everyone came back. Sometimes the sooner you charge in a business, the quicker you put a ceiling on your potential for expansion. This is true whether your business is drugs or when Facebook was waiting to charge for ads.

Saying & Hearing ‘I’m Sorry
I believe that the strength of a relationship can be determined by two factors: trust, and resentment. The more of the first, the less of the second, the better. Conflict resolution, and specifically apologizing, engages both of those factors. However, its importance is often overlooked.
But if you give and receive apologies constructively, it’s an admittance to our follies as imperfect humans, and with that realization comes connection. But giving and receiving apologies constructively is easier said than done. Below are just a few things I’ve learned from a history of apologizing and not apologizing.

Social Shaming
Social shaming, as distinguished from legal punishment, is doled out when the community feels legal remedies to stop a given behavior are inadequate. There is no trier of fact; there is no requirement for context, clarity, non-bias; there is only pure gut reaction. “I read in the news that you hit a woman — you are the devil. I’m going to make sure everyone knows it.”
But here’s the problem: We’re all the bad guys. I know that if everyone was aware of the worst thing I’ve ever done, it would be hard for me to find a job. We’ve all done stupid, bad, immoral things before. We’ve all done something that someone would consider unintelligent, racist, sexist, evil, whatever. For many people, the only reason they can live with themselves is the knowledge that they can grow and become better than the person that made that mistake. Making mistakes is the most important part of growth.

Let Them Eat Homophobic Cake
Bakeries and other businesses that fall under “public accommodations” such as restaurants and stores and hotels should be required to serve all people equally. But they should not be required to endorse the political views of their customers.
We should all commit to protecting the right to free speech even in the face of—or perhaps especially in the face of—profound political disagreements. We can and must balance civil liberties, including marriage equality, with free speech. Or, to put it differently, we can all order a cake and eat it, too—the baker just doesn’t have to write political speech on it.

Horrible Firsts: Gatecrashing 
Everything went fine. I entered. I sat down at a table. I waved at the couple in front. I heard that because a couple are always happy on their wedding day, if you go and hug them, they will hug you back. No time! So as I entered, I waved at them, looked at the person close to me and said, “Such a happy story. I am happy they are finally together after all the challenges.” He said, “My brother, as if you know. God win.”

That one too is constant. All couples pass challenges to get married. If you think there are no challenges, why are you not married?

I remained in front and snapped the couple as they were dancing. Sometimes I would shout “Woohoo”, especially when the bride komole-d. Everything was going fine.

Rape is common among female college freshmen, study finds
The researchers conclude that incapacitated and forcible sexual assaults and rape have reached “epidemic levels” among college women. The findings are among a small population of women, but underline that rape is not an altogether uncommon experience among young women. While it should be noted that the study looks at self-reported rapes and not clinically validated assaults, it’s also important to note that Department of Justice data suggests up to 80% of rapes and sexual assaults of female college students go unreported

How To Date A Feminist
Feminists are popping up everywhere. From Taylor Swift to Ruth Bader Ginsberg, every darn woman seems to be demanding gender equality.
So how does this affect you as a male navigating today’s realm of romance?
Should you still pay the bill? Will you be yelled at for holding the door for them? Who asks out who? Are they going to wear a bra to dinner? Don’t feminists hate men?

Jay Z’s Charity Problem
“They have not told the history of our people, nothing of who we are. We are still looking,” Belafonte said. “And I think one of the great abuses of this modern time is that we should have such high-profile artists, powerful celebrities. But they have turned their back on social responsibility. That goes for Jay Z and Beyoncé, for example.
But it was Jay Z’s response, delivered in an interview with Rap Radar’s Elliott Wilson, which proved even more shocking:
“I’m offended by that because first of all, and this is going to sound arrogant, but my presence is charity. Just who I am,” Jay said. “Just like Obama’s is. Obama provides hope. Whether he does anything, the hope that he provides for a nation, and outside of America is enough.”
My presence is charity. It’s a quote that, like Jordan’s “Republicans buy sneakers too,” has followed the hip-hop mogul around like a dark, ominous cloud.

CEOs Aren’t as Powerful as Most People Think
As counterintuitive as it may seem, the CEO can be the most hamstrung employee of all, bearing the weight of the entire organization and
living in the crosshairs of impatient investors, skeptical media, customers who talk sustainability but act on price, and middle management waiting for the next leadership transition.

I Want a New Definition of Masculinity
Because I’m sick of being told that if I support feminism (which is really just supporting equality) that I’m only looking for a new angle to get laid or trying to appear progressive.
Because the female lead on that TV show kicked that guy’s ass while the men hid and you said “what a bunch of pussies.”

Black Exhaustion
It is always a reminder that I am a target, and my brother doubly so. It is a warning that blacks are guilty by nature, that we are born waiting to die, and that, if we make it to end without an officer’s bullet (or six, or 41) inside of us, then we are lucky. It has nothing to do with who we are, whether or not we sag our pants, what we do for a living, if we have ever committed a crime or if we have never once touched a gun. Increasingly, it seems, remaining alive only has to do with luck.Increasingly, I am learning, remaining alive while black is a radical act.

The Best Advice Ever To A Teenage Daughter Who Needs To Make Money
Ultimately, customers become friends. How come? Because in a good business you don’t want to do business with people you don’t like.

People think business is “Shark Tank”. Real business is more like “Tuna Tank”.
Customers become friends, they become testimonials, they pay your bills, they refer other customers to you.
Some customers even want to smoke crack with you but I’d advise her against that.

Customers are a good, fun thing and some of them end up changing your life (don’t smoke crack with them, honey).

Through the Looking Glass
It’s taken me nearly a decade to even begin speaking about this. Even now, I face potential ostracization by several members of my family. It’s generally accepted that we don’t want to talk about this. That it wasn’t as bad as we remember. That our father just had a temper. That every family has problems and ours was no different. But it wasn’t “okay” then and it certainly isn’t okay now. The result of this has had profound and lasting psychological effects on everyone in my family, effects that have followed them into families of their own. Effects that caused depression, rage, anxiety, panic attacks, drug/alcohol abuse, and dysfunctional relationships. Effects that have eroded the bedrock of happiness in many of our own lives.

How to Tell Her You Love Her
Life will never wait for you to be ready. It will toss you towards the people you’re meant to be with and the places you’re meant to be in with such stunning velocity that you will wonder how you made it in one piece. And you have to accept that someone or something infinitely wiser than you made this happen. She’s long since abandoned her fears to fate.

The Fine Art of Bullshit – no quotes, but great read

When the Brain Can’t Make Its Own Maps – another fave because psychology
Every morning when she wakes up, Roseman has to re-learn her way to her kitchen. When she can, she gets friends to drive her places; the rest of the time, she limits herself to destinations that require few turns, which sometimes means taking 30 minutes on a journey that would have otherwise taken 10. Dating was a nightmare, she said, because she could never tell potential boyfriends how to bring her home. And even though she had a successful career as an executive assistant before retiring in 2011, she could only take jobs that allowed her to commute entirely along straight roads (even curvature threw her off), and after-work happy hours at new bars were out of the question.

When Did Books Get So Freaking Enormous? The Year of the Very Long Novel
The most popular explanation for the staying power of the VLN (very long novel) is no less true for its obviousness: counterprogramming. “The promise of a book remains a unique pleasure in contrast to thumbing through 800,000 Instagrams,” says Michael Pietsch, the CEO of Hachette and the editor of both The Goldfinch and Wallace’s
Infinite Jest . “The idea that one mind has created this world for you is a unique and perhaps even more compelling experience to us now.

America Snores When Christian Terrorist Threatens to Massacre Muslims
Doggart came to the FBI’s attention via postings on social media and a confidential informant. Why attack these Muslims? Doggart’s own words highlight his motive being grounded in at least partially in his view of Christianity: “Our small group will soon be faced with the fight of our lives. We will offer those lives as collateral to prove our commitment to our God .” Doggart continued, “We shall be Warriors who inflict horrible numbers of casualties upon the enemies of our Nation and World Peace.”

The Case for Arranged Marriage Today
Arranged marriages are probably easiest to set up where gender roles within a marriage are strongly established, standardised, and well understood by both sides. Yet arranged marriage can also be valuable in eliminating problems with different expectations

Women painted on their ‘nylons’ using gravy juice, during WWII shortage
Wartime propaganda machine instructed women not abandon standards of dress (this might be bad for morale). “Make Do and Mend” became the motto. When mending old stockings failed, women actually painted dark stripes up the backs of their legs to mimic stocking seams. Gravy browning was a popular paint. This wartime look was termed “Glamor Hose.”

Governor Adams Oshiomhole Must be the *Nicest* Man in Africa
Look at the faces of Mr. and Mrs. Fortes. Do they look happy to you? The mother didn’t even bother to do her hair properly to witness the wedding. It looks like they had just come back from lunch at the Golden Corral and were like “Well, I guess we better head over to Lara’s wedding. Did you bring the vodka? I’m going to need it to get through this day.

This Yoruba woman has no formal education, yet lectures at Harvard University
“I have lectured and held workshops in several noble institutions across the world. Some of the universities include Harvard, Columbus, Edmonton, Ohio and in Los Angeles, among others. My first experience with teaching was in 1974. At that time, I taught people with doctoral degrees.”
Interestingly, all the education she had at the time, according to her, was the traditional education that parents pass onto their children.

The 5 Rules of Personal Finance That Everyone Should Memorize
Most people spend their 20s messing up their money, their 30s trying to figure out what they did wrong, their 40s trying to dig out of the hole, and their 50s trying to catch up for retirement, Weitzel says.

“But if you focus on money now, you avoid having to focus on money later,” Rhodes says, adding that’s why he recommends grads arm themselves early on with a personalized financial plan to guide them through the decades.

Pixar’s Mood Master [About Inside Out] – THis one is one of my faves because it’s psychology
“My initial pitch to John”—John Lasseter, Pixar’s co-founder and chief creative officer—“was, You’re in a classroom, you see a kid, and the teacher asks a question. You see the kid almost raise her hand. Then all of a sudden—whoosh!—we zip into the kid’s head, and inside are her emotions.” Her emotions vie for influence. “Optimism says, ‘Oh, we know the answer. Raise your hand!’ Fear says, ‘What’re you, nuts? They laughed at that other kid. They’re gonna mock us right out of class!’ I wanted to dramatize the struggle in making a simple decision: Should I raise my hand or not?

The college experience as we know it is undergoing some dramatic changes
Schooling will become more interdisciplinary. Instead of a degree in biology, emerging fields will combine biology and global health, or neuroscience and entrepreneurship. “The concept of the major will erode into something that looks like an overall portfolio with a bunch of microcredentials that speak to a whole range of strengths,” says Bass.

You will start over. And over. And over.
Life is like sex; when done right, it’s messy, complicated, awkward, requires some stops and starts and backing out, then getting back in there and committing. Even then you aren’t guaranteed any pleasure from it.

LONGREADS
How sex on TV got real
Some of this is a result of technological changes. New streaming services, not bound by industry rules and norms, are taking bigger risks, such as the Amazon show Transparent about a middle-aged father coming out as transgender. And the growing number of platforms is making room for a more diverse array of writers on shows like Girls, Transparent and How to Get Away With Murder. This new generation of dramatists is disposing of the straight, often white male point of view and approaching sex from the female, gay or trans perspective. House of Cards’ Beau Willimon even credits the advent of the Internet and its abundance of online porn for freeing him from relying on sex scenes as an enticing ratings booster.

Why It Pays to Be a Jerk
At the University of Amsterdam, researchers have found that semi-obnoxious behavior not only can make a person seem more powerful, but can make them more powerful, period. The same goes for overconfidence. Act like you’re the smartest person in the room, a series of striking studies demonstrates, and you’ll up your chances of running the show. People will even pay to be treated shabbily: snobbish, condescending salespeople at luxury retailers extract more money from shoppers than their more agreeable counterparts do. And “agreeableness,” other research shows, is a trait that tends to make you poorer. “We believe we want people who are modest, authentic, and all the things we rate positively” to be our leaders, says Jeffrey Pfeffer, a business professor at Stanford. “But we find it’s all the things we rate negatively”—like immodesty—“that are the best predictors of higher salaries or getting chosen for a leadership position.”

The Top Jobs In 10 Years Might Not Be What You Expect: 3 futurists on the hot jobs of 2025
Erotic labor may be a niche area for humans in the future,” says Danaher, who has written at length about technological unemployment and sex work. Danaher is one of the many futurists who believe that robots and software will increasingly put the population out of work as the century progresses. After all, robots don’t need breaks, don’t get sick, and can generally do things better and faster than humans already. Yet one area where humans currently excel over robots is sex—which is a good thing, considering many people may be turning to sex work to support themselves since a lot of today’s jobs might be redundant by then

How and Why We Started Taking Kim Kardashian Seriously (and What She Teaches Us About the State of Criticism)
Kim’s book got me thinking about how these things change more generally — how something, or someone, that is considered beyond the reach of good taste and judgment becomes worthy of the attention of people who flatter themselves as serious critical thinkers. I don’t just mean professional critics, especially since there aren’t many of them anymore. But the people who think of themselves as intelligent consumers of culture — people who want and like to have opinions about music, movies, television, etc. To me, these are also people who — and here’s what I really want to talk about — seem more and more to depend on a kind of permission-giving consensus about a subject before they actually feel comfortable endorsing or even entertaining it. With so many subjects, there seems to be a sort of tipping point, followed by a flood.

The Mystery of Columba Bush: Possible Future First Lady
In the Jackie Kennedy years, she might have gotten away with a smile, a few supporting speeches, and an appropriate cause or two. (One of the rare YouTube videos of Columba shows her giving a Jackie-like tour of her house to a Spanish-speaking TV anchor.) But feminist resistance to the idea of wife as silent prop has in some ways put more pressure on a first lady to be serious and weighty and comfortable in front of the camera, giving someone like Columba no easy place to hide.

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One thought on “Links I Love: Volume 1

  1. Pingback: Monthly Round-Up: May 2015 | Out Of My Head

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