I turn 18 in a few weeks.
I’m excited about turning 18 and on the other hand I’m afraid.… Okay, maybe not afraid. I’m being melodramatic.
18 is an awkward age. It is a much anticipated age and at the same time a much dreaded age.
18 is that awkward age where you’re an adult but not officially one. Because you’re still a teen. You’re “legal” but not fully “legal
You can buy alcohol. You can drink. You can drive. You have freedom.
It’s fun, it’s exhilarating, it’s wonderful
18 is when “you’re no longer a child”
When you’re 18, you’re thought of as a “responsible adult”. No more excuses for your recklessness. You can’t hide behind. “I’m still a child”.
18 is when you really start worrying about the future. About university, work, love, relationships and all those other adult things.
You have to know better.
18 is when you join ” the Real World”
It’s scary. It’s intimidating. It’s more.
I’ll be 18 in a few weeks. I’ll resume for Year 2 of studying Psychology (most likely) in January. I have paid jobs. I have projects I’m working on.
But I’m scared.
I’m scared of tomorrow. What will happen. This sudden thrust into “adulthood”.
Being confident, adult Lade and being the worried, confused teen Lade.
The fear of what the future holds for me. When people will say “You’re not young anymore”
Am I prepared for “the Real World.” This terrible, scary place they warn you about.
This place that will bend you and break you. That will kick you when you’re down..
This thing that will consume you if you’re not prepared for it.
This place where your failures and weaknesses are magnified.
This jungle. That monster that magnifies.
This place that proves that you’re not strong enough, not good enough, not successful enough.
I’m scared. But I’m also excited. I think I’m doing well with my life so far. But sometimes, this fear of not realising my full potential. Not being successful the way I want to be. Not meeting expectations. Sometimes, these fears overwhelm me. They paralyse me.
I think of children my age, some even younger, who have done things all over the world but I’m here in my little corner not doing enough.
I hope I have a better story to tell. From when I turn 19 and 20 and as the years go by.