About Victim Blaming and Shaming

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It’s really upsetting… no, appalling, when a victim of rape, domestic abuse or whatever other form of sexual violence speaks out only to be met with doubting, blaming and shaming.

“Why did you go to his house?”

“Why did you drink?”

“Your jeans were too tight?”

“You should have worn a longer dress”

“You shouldn’t have smiled at him. You encouraged him”

“It wasn’t really rape. You didn’t struggle”

The most stupid of all…

“Guys can’t get raped. *followed by laughter*”

We’ve heard this bull so many times that even the victims start to believe it.

It’s not enough that I am disgusted by myself and that I feel filthy and that no amount of scrubbing my skin in the shower will change the fact that someone thinks it okay to violate me . I have to deal with stares and ridicule from other people.

Who even came up with these things. They are stupid excuses. There are no excuses for rape and sexual violence. It is fucking VILE.

Rape, domestic abuse and other forms of sexual violence are uncomfortable to talk about. But trust me, it is more than uncomfortable to get raped or sexually abused.

In my head, I know these things. I know that it is absolutely not okay for my teacher to stick his fingers under my skirt or dress. But the feeling that I did something to encourage or not stop it won’t go away.

“Why didn’t I report him”

“Why didn’t I shout for help?”

“Why didn’t I tell him to stop?”

“Why did I always wear dresses and skirts?”

I feel filthy and I’m disgusted by me. But really, it’s not my fault. It’s because a depraved old man thinks it’s okay to be sexually violating young girls; that someone thinks it’s okay to grab my ass while I’m walking on the road.

I read a story a few days ago about a girl who was on the train and some guy slipped his hand into her dress and touched her nipple. WHAT THE FUCK. Why do you think  that it is okay.

Victim blaming is disgusting. You make things worse for an already traumatised person.

Change the way you think.

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