On Sunday night I couldn’t sleep and I was going through all the channels on DSTv looking for something to watch, then I saw ‘Precious’. I cried for like most of the movie. Anyways,
for all you last carriers like me, the movie is about this girl that is sexually abused by her father and verbally and physically abused by her mother. Monique plays Precious’ mother in the movie. She has two children for her father. A boy and a girl. She is an illiterate. She goes to a school for adults and learns to read and write. She later discovers that she has aids. At the end, she walks out of the Social Workers office with her two children. Now when I watched the movie, I decided that I had to write something else on abuse. I have a friend who was raped when she was 9 by her uncle.
Sexual Abuse should be easy to deal with but with the way our country is, it is not. There is not much hope for victims of rape and other forms of sexual abuse. Most people are sexually abused by people they know. The victim almost always knows the perpetrator. Someone in their circle of trust. father, mother, sibling, house helps, drivers, uncles, aunts… you get the point
1. If you are being abused, tell someone. I know it is difficult and especially in this part of the world. There is a lot of stigma.
2. If you have been abused, don’t let it dictate your life for you. Move on. Forgive. Forgiveness isn’t easy especially when you have been raped or sexually abused especially when it is by someone you know and trust.
3. It is NOT your fault you have been sexually abused or you are being sexually abused. Don’t let anybody tell you otherwise. Some men would say: ‘it is her fault, she led me on.’ But why would a ‘man’ rape a 2 year old child. Did she seduce him? Oya talk now.
4. Boys too are sexually abused. It is not limited to girls. It is even more difficult for boys to come out and talk about it.
The reasons why abuse is not easy to deal with in Nigeria are:
1. The parents of the victim and ‘bigmanism’. If a ‘big man’s’ son should rape a girl on the streets, nothing will happen. Even if she reports to the police, what would they do. The son of a ‘big man’. They can’t arrest him or they will not have jobs. If the ‘bigman’ settles the family with a large amount of money, they wouldn’t want to go further with the case
2. There is not much in the constitution for victims of sexual abuse. Cases can drag in court for 6 years. There was the case of a girl that was raped when she was 12. She’s 18 now and they are still going to court over this issue.
3. Like Monique in the movie, many mothers would look the other way if her husband or boyfriend is raping her child. If the man is eventually arrested, the mother may physically or even sexually abuse the child and blame her for sending her man away.
Physical abuse and verbal abuse are even more difficult to deal with. Remember that God loves you and he made you for a purpose. You are not dumb or stupid or useless. Know that there is someone out there in the world that loves you. There are over 6billion people in the world. People love you and most importantly, God loves you.
If you have been abused by anybody, talk to somebody. Look for somebody you can trust. You can go mad if you don’t talk to anybody. Let it out. Even if you can’t tell someone, write it out. Just don’t bottle it up or one day, you will explode.
This is for all children that have been abused or are being abused.
Have a lovely day 🙂
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